A Delicate Balance
by gostorain
Summary: Gail and Holly are lost in this new friendship. Neither knows whether to push or pull the other with the growing attraction that leaves both in confusion. All Holly can do is be there for her friend and her dangerous job, while Gail is trying to figure out why this gorgeous doctor is changing everything about her. Takes place after 4x13 but with a few minor changes in events.
1. Two Sides of the Scale

**Hey, people! So I've been incredibly obsessed with Gail and Holly for a while now, and I thought I'd try my hand at some writing. I've dabbled in writing here and there since I was younger, but nothing serious. This is just an outlet for me and my love for these two incredible women.**

**So this story takes place a little after 4x13. One big thing is that the whole bathtub scene didn't happen. Gail didn't chop off her hair and they didn't have a super hot makeout sesh in the rain/under the showerhead. After that episode, Gail and Holly spent a lot of time together, but neither pushed the other for anything because of how difficult of a time it was. **

**TL;DR – It's a week after the Ford incident and not much progress has been made between Gail and Holly. I'm here to change that.**

**Lend me your eyes and lemme know what you think!**

* * *

"Y'know, after a while, you kinda get used to the smell."

Holly looks up from her second body of the night and peers over her glasses at the blonde sitting on her desk. When she sees Gail running a lazy finger over the journals stacked on her shelf with her classic look of nonchalance, Holly just smiles and continues her work.

"Nose blind status means you've invested quite a bit of time down here. That's an achievement at Club Morgue," Holly says as she pulls out a chunk of what used to be a heart. A breathy laugh at her immediate right startles the doctor a bit. Gail had silently made her way over to Holly's side without her noticing. _Almost like a cat_, she thinks to herself.

"Sounds like the lamest club ever. Everyone's cold, dead, and cut up" Gail mutters as she wrinkles her nose at Holly's work. It's Holly's turn to laugh as she uses the inside of her wrist to push her glasses up.

"True, but I'm nice, alive, and _warm_ company, which you seem to enjoy," Holly says with a slight eyebrow wiggle at the word "warm." Gail sticks her tongue out and pulls an ugly face. Holly rolls her eyes and faces the body again, diving elbow deep into what she hoped would be the last of a string of gruesome cadavers.

Gail goes silent and uses Holly's intense concentration to quietly appraise her. If asked if she pulled the face to disguise the slight heat she felt rising to her cheeks, Gail Peck would vehemently deny it and maybe even throw a glare if the timing was right. Pecks don't _blush_ at just the idea of a warm body, even if it was that of a best friend who caused a bit of confusion.

They had been in this limbo of close friendship and playful flirting for a few days now, both girls struggling with two different storms of tentative feelings inside. It's been a week since the Ford fiasco had played out. While Gail's fellow officers were all recovering from the harrowing incident and its repercussions in their own ways, the blonde found solace with Holly. She spent almost all of her spare time with her friend. (_Friend, friend, friend.) _Lunch breaks were spent at the café around the corner with long, meandering conversations that were peppered with sarcasm and laughs that took them both by surprise, and were clearly void of any sensitive topics like comatose friends, dangerous criminals, and surprise kisses. Their routine had settled into a late night rhythm with Gail coming to see Holly at the end of her shift, a warm cup of coffee in hand to help get the pathologist through her last hour. The time spent watching Holly do her work—methodically opening the chests, puzzling the whole or broken organs together, procuring samples of various fluids, analyzing bone and blood and guts, and, Gail's personal favorite, sewing it all up again—that was what calmed the police officer down, for some strange reason. She found a macabre sort of satisfaction in seeing the body pieced together again after Dr. Detective took a look inside and solved the mystery, which Holly _always_ did. Holly. Sarcastic Holly, genius Holly, sweet and caring Holly. Who was still her _friend, friend, friend_.

Despite how much Holly and her banter and her endless words and her beautiful_, beautiful_ everything threw her for a loop, Gail knew that this friendship or whatever it was between them was the most important thing in her life right now. It was the only thing keeping her sane. She had no _fucking_ clue what to do with what had happened between them. The kiss at the wedding was Holly's doing, but the interrogation room had been all Gail. 100% Gail and her feelings and not being able to ignore what her heart felt and lips screamed for. She didn't want to screw up what they had by making the wrong decision or taking the wrong step. Unless of course Holly actually did have feelings for her, because that would definitely change things, but even if she did, would anythi-

"Done!" Gail was pulled out of her inner thoughts by the sound of Holly snapping her rubber gloves off. The smiling doctor turned to face Gail with one hand on her hip and the other leaning on the table that now sported a dead body that had been sewn shut in record time. Gail blinked twice.

"Damn, that was…fast," Gail said. Holly smirked, clearly proud of herself.

"I could practically hear you thinking too hard. I saw the smoke coming out of your ears," she teased as she rolled the table by the back wall. The late-night intern (_Tim_, Gail remembered) would come to bag the body and bring it to storage like he did every night after Holly was done.

"That was my brain trying to comprehend the sheer enormity of your nerdiness," Gail countered. She stood by the doors as she watched Holly hang her lab coat and grab her bag.

"My brain likes to think I'm pretty cool, so it mourns the energy your brain just spent," Holly says over her shoulder as she flicks the lights off. She saunters out into the hall with Gail close behind, a small smile on her lips. She'd never get used to how quick Holly was at bantering back. It wasn't often that the blonde was on a level playing field with someone.

"So!" Holly surprises Gail again with the loud exclamation, turning around to walk backwards down the hall while facing her. "What should we do on this fantastic Friday night?"

Gail frowns. _Friday_? She checks her watch and frowns even deeper. The entire week had slipped by without her realizing. She must've been too busy actively ignoring the tension at 15 and actively thinking about the girl in front of her. She looks up at Holly.

"I have no idea, honestly. What d'you think?"

* * *

Holly was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

On one hand, she constantly found herself in this state of happiness that made her finish examinations faster than she thought possible, smile despite bullet wounds and exploded hearts, actually _saunter,_ and turn around and practically skip backwards down hallways as if she was twelve again. On another hand, she was trying to mask her actual happiness as something that resembles empathy for her friend and how she's struggling with a lot at the moment.

Both scenarios were all thanks to Gail Peck.

Holly was terrified after the first kiss. She had acted on a total whim, which she never did. She overanalyzed like it was her job (which, technically, it kinda was) and never made a miscalculation. That is, until she met Gail. _Gail, Gail, Gail._ The brunette found herself a frequent friend in impulse and god-awful confusion after meeting this girl. She was worried she had ruined a friendship that she realized meant a lot to her. She was scared Gail would run in the opposite direction, the words "_we're only friends" _echoing from her lips. But most of all, she was afraid that it would never happen again. That it was her only shot at kissing the girl that had completely taken over her life. Then, the craziest thing happened.

Gail kissed her.

Like, really kissed her. Enough to make her knees turn to jelly, send all the worrying thoughts in her head shooting out the window, and turn her insides, well, inside out. Holly knew this girl was different—that what was between them was different—and that this was entirely new to Gail, so despite what happened, she didn't push for anything. She was going to wait for Gail to reach out to her first. She had the ability and patience to wait because she knew that deep inside the blonde police officer felt something for her, too. God knows it isn't easy waiting for a Peck though.

But first things first, Holly was her friend at the moment, and knowing what Gail and her friends in 15 went through last week gave her a strong sense of responsibility in making sure she was alright and coping properly. In Gail's case, Holly knew that meant distractions on top of distractions. Granted there were certain _kinds_ of distractions that the brunette wanted to employ, but she knew that they were obviously a way's off from that. _Ugh_.

Returning to the present issue, Holly pondered Gail's question. She glanced at the blonde and tried to piece together an idea based on the girl's body language. They had reached the exit by the parking lot and were standing under a small rain cover. Gail had one shoulder leaned against the building's brick exterior, hands shoved into her jacket pockets. Her hair was in a loose ponytail, her eyes tired from the day's long shift and, clearly, a very difficult week. Holly considered the weight of her own fatigue and decided to take a chance.

"How about a movie at my place? We can grab takeout on the way." Holly bit the inside of her cheek and tried to keep a poker face. A face that said "_it's cool if you say no, I don't mind_" instead of the glowing anticipation she felt in her gut. God, gone was the serious doctor she once was. There was no hope with her in Gail's presence.

Gail looked at her for a few moments, and Holly could see the gears turning in her blue eyes. Holly forced herself to swallow the wave of rambling she felt about to spill out of her, full of _it's-fine-if-you-say-no_'s and _don't-worry-it's-cool_'s, and wait to hear the actual answer. The brief silence was heavy, but she didn't trust herself and her endless words. With a sudden jerk, Gail launches herself off the wall and starts towards the few cars left in the lot.

"I know a really good Chinese place a few blocks from here. And no nerdy movies," she calls over her shoulder. Holly breathes a tiny sigh of content relief and follows the shock of blonde hair against the dark backdrop of the night.

"Well, what if I say no action movies?" Holly teases. Gail whips around furiously.

"That's just bad taste in movies then."

"Well, it's my apartment. My TV, my rules."

"I'm the guest though. Didn't your parents teach you how to treat guests?"

"Not snotty guests who come over to wipe out my fridge and alcohol." At that, Gail gasps theatrically.

"Am I being called fat _and_ an alcoholic?" Holly laughs loudly, much to Gail's enjoyment.

"Not if you're buying the Chinese and a bottle of tequila. If yes, then I might be able to compromise with a slightly action-y movie," Holly says as she unlocks her car. Gail does a dramatic fist pump and walks around to the other side of her car. She cocks her head in question when she realizes Gail followed all the way to her spot.

"Chris dropped me off earlier at the end of our shift, so I'll just catch a ride with you," Gail said as she casually slid into the passenger seat. Both of them realized this implied that a decision would have to be made by the end of the night—to go home or not to go home (_"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so_, Holly thought to herself. _Just go with it, don't over-analyze this.)_ She only paused for a beat, then got in behind the wheel. She could do this. Swallow her feelings for another night.

"Where to, Miss Fat Alcoholic?" Gail shot her a glare.

"Keep that up and there won't be any tequila for you, but a whole lot of Mission Impossible."

"Ouch, no thank you. I kinda feel like getting a bit tipsy tonight _without_ any Tom Cruise. Maybe with some taller and more attractive company."

"That makes two of us," Gail says as she looks over at Holly. Their eyes meet and suddenly the air is charged with the possibility of the night. They break eye contact a bit awkwardly and Holly clears her throat, starting the car.

"Seat belts, please."

"Holly, please, you're talking to a police officer. Mine was on before you even got into the car."

"Okay, okay. Then maybe I shouldn't mention the 20 kilos of illegal drugs I have hidden in the trunk."

"Now it just sounds like you want me to break out my handcuffs," Gail teases. Holly feels her skin prickle and face get hot. She steals a glance to her right, but Gail is looking out the window. _Jesus, this girl has no idea what she's doing to me_. But two can play that game.

"Is that a threat or a promise?"

Even with Gail facing away from her, Holly notices the blush creeping up the pale neck and disappearing into her hairline. Holly smirks a little and quietly freaks out inside at her success in getting a reaction out of the icy cop. Gail swallows quietly (but it roars in her own ears) and turns to Holly.

"Just drive, nerd. My stomach is about to eat itself and I don't think you want to do another autopsy tonight," Gail dismisses with a wave of her hand. Holly smiles her only-for-Gail smile and pulls out of the dark and now-empty parking lot.

"Lead the way, Officer."

* * *

**Gimme all you got, people. I appreciate any human eyes that grace my writing and human brains that leave me reviews! Have a good Tuesday. **

**gostorain**


	2. Weights

**A/N: Okay, the response and attention my first chapter received was incredible. I'm so grateful and frankly, a little shocked. Who knew people could actually tolerate my words? Here's the next chapter. Sorry it took so long! Life has been insane. Please enjoy and lemme know what you think! xx**

* * *

Gail contemplated the probability of a human spontaneously combusting from pure nerves.

It could be a real thing, couldn't it? Considering how the back of her neck felt like it was a million degrees and her palms were sweatier than she'd ever experienced and the fact that she couldn't look at Holly for more than five seconds without it turning into some sort of pervy leering. And why?

All because Holly had changed into her pajamas.

It was absolutely ridiculous. They weren't even remotely sexy—just a plain old blue t-shirt and a worn out pair of shorts. But Holly made them sexy. She made the room feel like a sauna, hiking up the temperature with every movement and drying out Gail's mouth with every look. Long, tan, toned arms and legs. Smooth, olive skin that radiated a heat the blonde could feel even if Holly left the room. She groaned and sunk deeper into the couch where she had planted herself as soon as they entered Holly's townhouse. When Holly had walked out, freshly changed, Gail practically flinched and sat frozen till Holly went into the kitchen to prep the food. This exact position was where she had spent the last fifteen minutes mentally groaning about her teenage hormones.

_When did this happen_? Gail thought to herself. When had her feelings for the pathologist transition from PG to NC-17? Did it happen so slowly that Gail had no chance of realizing the change, or did a single moment spark this fire she didn't realize she was even capable of stoking? Had things ever been platonic between them? The blonde was so muddled with questions. So confused about all the change Holly brought about in her life. She wasn't the same cold person anymore, at least not with her around.

"Gail?" Her head whipped up at the sound of Holly calling her name from the kitchen.

"What?" Gail's brain was still trying to swim out of the mental quicksand that was Holly.

"I asked if you wanted to eat off plates like civilized humans or just pass the cartons back and forth like the savages we are," Holly said as she walked into the living room with boxes of food stacked in her hands. When she took in Gail's position on the couch, she paused for a beat.

"Honey, are you alright?" Hearing the term of endearment, Gail finally looked up at Holly and melted at the doctor's concerned face. She was so caring and sweet—something Gail definitely was not used to. She coughed a little and waved an awkward hand in Holly's general direction.

"Oh oh yeah. I'm totally fine. Just…chilling here." Gail mentally slapped herself as Holly's eyebrow quirked at her choice of words. Gail was positive she somehow lost half her IQ points every time she opened her mouth in front of the brunette.

"…Chilling? Is 2005 making a comeback?" Holly's laughter managed to relax Gail a little. _I can do this. It's just Holly._

"Oh….just shut up," Didn't mean she was 100% in the snark department though, which was clearly a sign of something very wrong in the officer. Holly took a seat next to her.

"Gail, really. Is everything okay?" Holly reached over and put a hand on Gail's elbow. "You haven't even taken your jacket and shoes off yet." Gail glanced at the tan hand on her thick police jacket and looked back down at her own, nervously tangled on her lap. Gail took a small breath.

"I…I feel like I'm being totally unfair," she said in a small voice. She was going to do this. Communicate. That's what friends do, right? Or whatever they were. She was going to be open with Holly if it killed her.

"I'm sitting on a ridiculously comfy couch having dinner with the coolest chick ever like nothing's wrong in the world, when in reality, my friends and I were shot at last week and I have people I actually care about laying in hospital beds, fighting for their lives with the people they love hurting right alongside them as they wait for some change, some _news_, about whether they should keep hoping or just give up and die inside too. And here I am, not even remotely concerned about it all and living life like nothing's wrong. Is something wrong with me?," Gail exploded. She felt like a cheat, like she wasn't allowed to be this happy to be around Holly, like it was unfair for her biggest issue at the moment to be keeping herself from jumping her friend. Holly gave her a small smile.

"Gail, don't blame yourself for trying to be happy and stay sane. I'm doing everything I can to make it easier for you. You're not doing anything wrong. If anything, your friends appreciate that you're their rock," Holly said, stroking her arm. Gail nodded quietly, but inside she was in awe by the fact that even through all her layers and her thick jacket, she could still feel the warmth from Holly's hand reach out for her skin. With a small sigh, Holly stood up.

"Let's get you out of this mess," Holly said, pulling Gail up to her feet. She stepped in close to Gail and put both hands on her coat collar, warm thumbs gently brushing the blonde's neck. A shiver went down Gail's spine and she couldn't help but look down at Holly's lips. Her blood was roaring in her ears. All she saw and all she felt existed in the world was this wonderful girl in front of her. But calm, patient, caring Holly—ever thoughtful and ever fair Holly—had other plans as she pushed the heavy jacket off Gail's shoulders. Not _those_ kinds of plans (although Gail was pretty sure she'd be okay with them). Just to get Gail out of her dirty, heavy clothes and a bit more comfortable.

Holly helped her shed all her outers, carefully gathering the clothing, folding it on the side table, leaving her boots by the door. All done in quiet, methodical precision. She rejoined Gail on the couch and opened the food cartons, laughing quietly as the warm smell greeted them and Gail let out a barely suppressed moan. She was starving.

"Oh!" Holly said as she shot up, off the couch, "I almost forgot." She rushed into the kitchen and came back with exactly what Gail needed.

"Oh Jesus, Holly, you have beer. You're a goddess," Gail said as she reached out both hands for the box of cold ale.

"I also have a great movie," Holly teased as she pulled a DVD from behind her back. Gail groaned and dropped her head back.

"Goddammit, Holly, not another one of your nerd movies," Gail whined.

"Hey, for your information, this is one of the oldest and most famous franchises ever. It's popular for a reason," Holly scolded.

"I don't know what your definition of that word is, lunchbox, but when I think 'popular', the first thing that pops into head is not _Star Trek_."

"No, no, this is _Star Trek Into Darkness_. The sequel," Holly corrected as she put the DVD in and plopped down on the sofa next to Gail. Gail was already chopsticks deep in a carton of chicken and green beans. She groaned in mock horror at Holly's statement.

"Good god, there's more than one?!" she exclaimed. Holly laughed and shoved Gail's shoulder with her own.

"Oh, just eat your food and stop complaining. I brought you beer, didn't I?"

"But with the entertainment this bad, I don't know if I'm going to leave a good review for this place," Gail said as she shoveled some more food into her mouth. She smirked at Holly.

"And yet, you keep coming back for more," Holly smirked right back and looked at Gail from under hooded eyes.

"Besides, there are always other methods of entertainment, Gail," she said, her voice purposely an octave lower. Gail was caught like a deer in headlights, stuck in Holly's tractor beam. Her face warmed as she saw flashes of what Holly had insinuated. _Oh god,_ she thought with a quiet groan. She cleared her throat and tried to force the blood out of her cheeks, taking a big swig of beer. She saw Holly smile out of the corner of her eye—she knew her reaction had been caught. She was losing far more than she'd like to the way-too-quick pathologist, but for some reason, she wasn't upset about it. She would lose every argument with Holly if it meant she could talk to her for the rest of her days.

Both girls turned their attention to the movie and settled into a content silence. All that took up the space was the sounds of the movie and the girls eating and drinking their comfortable dinner. But it was far from quiet in Gail's mind. She examined this relationship with Holly from all angles, holding it in her hand carefully, turning it around in her fingers, feeling its smooth edges and reveling in the warmth of it. She felt like it was a live being, and carefully considered if it could be molded into something else. She had figured out her feelings. She was a Peck and Pecks knew what they wanted, even if it rocked their understanding of their own identity to the very core. In the space of several days and endless hours of _Hollyness_, she's come to the conclusion that no matter what it was between them, no matter what the fucking label was, she just wanted to be with this amazing woman for as long as she could put up with her.

Now the only thing left to do was tell Holly how she actually felt. _Shit. _This was what Gail had continually failed to do in each of her relationships. Voicing how she really felt was a dangerous matter—it meant that she would be left completely vulnerable, completely at the mercy of the other person. She had never even considered it with Nick or Chris or the myriad of pre-pubescent boys who had entertained Gail for short stretches. But with Holly…it was different. Not just because she's a woman, but because for the first time ever, Gail wanted to give a hundred percent. She wanted to empty her guts out on the floor just to show Holly what color she was on the inside, to share everything she felt and saw and wanted and cared about. To be completely hers. She just had to _fucking_ open her mouth and let it all spill out, but she was having a hard time working up the courage to do it. She'd do it tonight. She could. She _would._

* * *

A couple hours later, Holly found herself opposite of the blonde officer on her couch. Both women sat mirroring each other, leaning against an armrest with their legs bent and sharing the center cushion. They absentmindedly stared at the credits rolling on the screen, names rising at a dizzying pace. But Holly wasn't concerned about the TV anymore, and by the look of Gail's distracted eyes, neither was she. They sat in silence, knowing that their night was drawing to a close. That something was about to shift in the air.

Holly's restless mind couldn't take the tension anymore. She decided to at least move and make noise.

"Well," she said as she clicked the television off with the remote, "I don't know about you, but going on a five-year exploratory space mission with Uhura on board sounds like a dream," Holly joked. She peeked to her left to see if she got a response out of Gail, expecting a prod about her nerdy crush, but all she saw was quiet trepidation in the usually confident woman's posture. Gail was contemplating something, and she was thinking _hard_.

"Gail, honey, are you okay?" Holly shifted forward and put a hand on the blonde's knee. Gail looked at the warm hand on her jeans and back up at Holly, a sudden softness overcoming her tense features. With a small smile, a pale hand took Holly's.

Holly barely registered the movement before her body kicked into high gear. _Elevated body temperature and heart rate, shortness of breath, decreased mental faculties, and I'm pretty sure I just physically felt my pupils dilate. _Holly rattled the symptoms off in her head like a diagnosis. _My god, I'm sick on her, literally. _

Gail played with her hands, admiring the tan skin and long fingers while Holly tried to ignore the little shocks of electricity running up her forearm, through her biceps, square into the center of her chest. She reveled in how surprisingly warm Gail's hands were. This supposed ice queen had the warmest heart and hands Holly had ever encountered. Gail took a quick breath, and looked straight into Holly's eyes.

"I don't know what this is, Holly. It's _something _and the only thing I do know is that I don't want to ruin it." She spoke faster and faster. "All I do is ruin things, which is why I run. But..., this feels different. I think this is what it feels like when things are _real_. But what if-" Gail stopped suddenly as if she ran out energy, as if this expression of her real emotions was burning up fuel deep inside her. Holly knew that the alcohol they had was helping ease the weight of the words for Gail, but she also realized the courage that had been mustered to even begin a conversation about _this_, regardless of inebriation. She held her breath the whole time, waiting for the blonde to continue. Holly was excited and scared and completely at a loss for words. She had never felt this way with anyone before, and although she felt sick with this weird mix of adrenaline and attraction and _god-I-might-throw-up_, she wouldn't trade it for anything.

Gail finally looked back up at her and icy heat sparked in every corner of Holly's brain. The deep blue locked onto her very soul. She felt Gail trying to convey everything she can't say through her eyes, and in that moment, Holly makes a decision. She realizes that this elusive, terrifying, final step into the unknown is her responsibility. It's what she wants and what this beautiful girl playing with her hands needs.

"Gail, what if there's more to us?"

As Gail's eyes bore into Holly's own, the doctor swore that the chemistry between them wasn't just something she was making up. She imagined the ceruleans reacting with her own auburns in a steady shower of sparks between them-quick traces of heat dancing all across their skin, small fireworks that _must be real_. With this monumental statement, their relationship has finally reached its tipping point. Holly has laid the weight in Gail's hands-it would be all up to her. The only question left is, which way will the scale fall?

* * *

**I'm sorry for the cheesy corn ending, but I'm actually loving this balance analogy. I really feel like I can do a lot with it, and it's a great metaphor for relationships on a grand scale (ha, so many puns). Thanks, as always. xx**

**gostorain**


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